Teaching the Bible in Schools?...

Where do you stand?

My sister was questioned recently about a comment she made on a book review and her response was simply wonderful. So, if the title interests you you should really check out what she had to say right here. If it doesn't I would recommend reading it anyway, I promise it is well worth the time.

And sarcasm's synonyms- wit, humor, and satire

I am planning on letting this subject go soon I promise, but I wanted to respond to some of the comments and clarify a few points I made. (It is hard since this way of communicating is not like a conversation, and you cannot express more than what is right there to begin with)


But first, to those of my friends who have felt these feelings of frustrations, and hurt, I am so sorry. I do know what you mean. Thank you for your honesty in sharing those moments with me. Thank you for you heartfelt understanding of my situation. Each one of your comments touched my heart, and helped me to see that I am not alone. I hope that you too, feel that you are not alone in these burdens. Our loses and aches are known, and your truest friends hope and pray for your hearts to be healed from these extra burdens. I love you gals!


I should apologize if I made it sound like I hate this person who made the comment. I do not at all. I like this person. I do not believe his intent was to hurt my feelings. I should have made that more clear. I should explain though, that this was the third comment in one week, from the same person that was hurtful. Maybe that made my hurt a little more keen. I am definitely going to talk to him about it, I think that is very important.



What I really wanted to call attention to, was the casual use of such language or joking, and the pain that it causes people.


I must admit, I was terribly hurt. And this comment got me thinking, "Am I just a CRAZY sensitive pregnant lady?, or was it really inappropriate" I must admit, I have always been sensitive, and I am happy about that. It reminds my of the Jewel song where she says "I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way" (BTW check out her yodeling video)

I am that person who cries during commercials, because I honestly FEEL what others are feeling. I can relate my suffering to theirs, and it touches my heart. I am very careful about what I watch or listen to in my daily life so that I am not de-sensitized.



I decided to do a little research to make sure I wasn't totally "off my rocker", which could very easily have been the case.

So I researched: And here is what I found:

First in James 3:2-13 I'll add a few verses. But feel free to click on the link and read them all, it was very enlightening:


James 3:5-6

"Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold how great a matter a little fire kindeleth.
"And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body..."


I put the definition of sarcasm in the previous blog to get people thinking about the real meaning of a word that we use so lightly, so often. I think many of us, who use sarcasm had no idea the real meaning behind the word.

It was not my point to say that only sarcasm is inappropriate. What I meant was that jokes, made at other people's expense or about that person, are wrong.


In the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet, from our church, speaking on language it says very clearly exactly what I was trying to say:


"How you speak says much about who you are. Clean and intelligent language is evidence of a bright and wholesome mind. Use language that uplifts, encourages, and compliments others. Do not insult others or put them down, even in joking. Speak kindly and positively about others so you can fulfill the Lord’s commandment to love one another. When you use good language, you invite the Spirit to be with you."


(I really wanted you to read the big sentence the most!)

So, any statement at another person's expense is wrong, with or with out hurtful intentions.

But lastly, if we have an idea that we hurt another persons feeling we must apologize. I agree that embarrassment is hard to confront. But that embarrassment is our pride telling us not to better our wrongs, for the sake of ourselves.

It reminds me of how we have to handle a child that has stolen something. They must return to the store, admit their wrong and return the item. That is embarrassing for them, and hard, but they know they've done wrong and must humble themselves in order to right the wrong. And humbling ourselves is the hardest thing we will ever do in this life.


There have been many times in my life, where my mouth has steered my ship in the wrong direction. My parents would be the first to say that I have a very sharp tongue. I have had to swallow my pride and embarrassment and apologize for my words, and am still doing this constantly. Being corrected, even by ourselves, is very difficult to bear, but we must.

The truth of the matter is, we are all making mistakes everyday. And by our tongues especially, we are hurting usually our families first, our dearest friends second, our associates, and then perfect strangers. There is no way on earth we can correct all our wrongs. And, so when we speak, our thoughts must be set on the positive, and uplifting statements. This way when we do mess up, and hurt someone unknowingly, and never correct our wrong, our heart will have been in the right place. But if we practice our humor at other people's expense, we will be hurting others constantly, even if that is not our intent.

I will be honest I love people who are witty, and knowledgeable. When someone can bring great examples out of literature and apply it to a situation and teach us something, I love that. Or those that can teach you something by bringing seemingly different subjects together to compare and contrast and make a point. I LOVE a good discussion, I appreciate other peoples opinions, even when they are not the same as mine. It helps me to better solidify what I stand for.

It is truly interesting to see how different families and people operate, and succeed in raising good people. Not just one way is right.

But I hope that we all can say that we never make questionable comments about sensitive subjects. More often than not, if we notice a flaw in someone- that person has poured over that flaw, despises it even more than we can know, and is concerned that other people will notice. And when we do, we have just confirmed their greatest fears.

Do you know what I mean? I will use one of my own flaws, superficial though it may be to explain. I have what you could call "ugly feet". One of my earliest recollections is trying to hide my second (and longest toe) by curling it to be the same length as my big toe, so that my Grandpa wouldn't notice how ugly my feet were. In middle school, the boy of my dreams was making fun of his friend's feet on the bus, and my feet's destiny were sealed. They didn't come out of a shoe for three years!!! I finally bought a pair of sandals in the 9th grade. Then I got over it and moved on.

Just like I am now going to get over this post and move on.

Sarcasm

Sarcasm defined courtesy of Merriam Webster online:

A sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain.

A mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual b: the use or language of sarcasm.

Okay, so Mother's Day is finally over. (I am NOT being sarcastic!)

Thank Heaven!

That is not to say, I don't love my mother. I adore my mother more than words can say. She truly is one of my best friends. I can only go a few days without having a marathon 2- 3 hour phone call with her. She truly has been a perfect example and is always helping and gently urging me to better myself, so thank you Mom!

But, I still hate Mother's day. My hate for it has been in the making for about 8 years. Chalk it up to a number of things including my barrenness, being handed dead flowers as a gift, and not so gentle reminder of said barrenness and being told by a mother of five with three clinging children, that "oh, your a mother". I could go on, but I'll save it for the book.

Anyway, I will try not to be too bitter, I have after all, been finally blessed with the desire of my heart. But Mother's Day Sunday rolls around and it just screams PAIN to me. I think about the women who haven't had children, I think about the ladies longing to be married, those that have lost children, and it is just awful. It throws such a sharp relief on a painful place. I can hardly make it to church, let alone listen. In fact, I rather like being out of town that weekend and stopping by, unidentified at another congregation's meeting.

You may be wondering what the deal is with the title of this blog.

So, I will explain. Yesterday, I finally made it through the entire first meeting of church, without breaking into tears and running for my life. At the end of the meeting, they always remind everyone to stay seated, and then ask the women to stand up so that they can get a gift. Which I also do not like, it feels so fake to me, so forced, so "we have to give you a gift- even though your not REALLY a mom".

I got my gift, which was chocolate, and very much what I like.

I sat down excited for the first time ever. I glanced at my darling husband and he smiled, knowingly, that only two months away all of our fondest dreams are coming true. Then someone walks by, stopping at our pew with a box that had been holding the gifts. This is someone I know, like, and that knows my situation. He pushes the box in front of my face, not understanding why, I laughed and said, "Do I get the box, too"

He replied "No, you need to give that gift back, it doesn't count until the baby is born." And smiled at his wittiness.

I was speechless.

I was shocked.

I was mortified.

I was stabbed straight to the heart.

I forced myself to smile.

He turned and walked away. I burst into tears, like now, and ran from the building. Yet again, another mother's day destroyed. With all my hopes, with all my excitement, why would someone say something like that? Why do we intentionally poke fun at other people's softest spots? WHY?

What ever happened to if you can't say anything nice?

Lately I have begun to notice that we are surrounded by sarcasm, from generally nice people. But please, if you read this blog, think twice about being sarcastic.

When did it become such a crutch of human language and expression? Why can we not say uplifting things to people? Why do we have to make ourselves feel big at others expense? My mother has always said, if you say it, then you've thought it, which means you mean it, and it is no longer sarcastic. Especially if there is truth behind your remarks, that makes them lethal.

By using sarcasm we hurt each other's spirits. We crush each other. And, I think we will be held accountable for that pain we cause, if we cannot learn to control our tongue, which we are told we must do. Words cannot be "taken back" They will always linger, or come out to haunt someone in times their of pain.

I for one, will try to work extra hard to say kind things.

And, I may just reserve a hotel, out of town for next years "blessed" day.

My soapbox....

I must vent.... You don't have to read this if you don't want to, but I would love to hear what you think.

Yesterday, while working on some things I turned on Oprah for background noise. The show was about two 14 year old children who had decided that it was time for them to have sex. The kids were dating and it was only natural that they should now be intimate.

The mother of the boy had had some good talks with her son. They have an open relationship, which I think is good, he told his mother that he was ready for sex. She said, I don't want you to do that, and then promptly goes to the store and buys him a box of condoms and leaves it in his drawer.

Excuse me?

What does this say to a 14 year old boy?

I would like to know what you think.

Here are my thoughts. First of all, many of you know that I am LDS, which is commonly referred to as Mormon. I believe that sex is sacred. Its should be used only within the bonds of marriage. The reason I believe this has to do with the sacred powers that God has. This will be hard to explain quickly but, I will try.

I believe that we lived with God before this life, as one heavenly family. That our purpose on earth is to be tested, to show whether we will pick God's plan and the atonement that was made for us by our Savior, or if we will choose the worlds ways. A vital part of this plan is our agency. We are given agency so that we might choose what we want to do. God will not interfere with this agency. It is His law, and He will not stop our free agency to make our own choices. This is why so many of us make mistakes. This is also why an atonement was made so that we can repent and return to our Father in Heaven.

Now I need to make something clear, I believe that God is governed by , for lack of a better word laws. That if he says something, it must be fulfilled. He is perfect, he cannot go back on his word, he does not change and is the same, yesterday today and forever. These laws and perfect understanding that he has, makes him the supreme creator, and he knows all.

I believe that there are certain sins are very severe, and I want to explain why I believe sex outside of the bonds of marriage is one of them. Hopefully I can do this, let me ask you some questions-

Do you believe that Murder is wrong?
Do you believe that people have no right to take another persons life?

I do. I believe that murder is one of the most severe sins because it takes all the agency from the one killed. It is final, there is no changing it. In that same sense, sex is that power to procreate with God another human being. It is ultimate power over the creation of life for another being. If looked at in a mirror, it is the opposite of death. Birth and Death go hand and hand. God's timing is important, but like I said before, he will not interfere with our agency. He will allow us to make our choices. But to every choice there are natural consequences.

In this life, parents are concerned with pregnancy and STD's, they think nothing of the soul binding experience the act of sex produces. Of the emotional consequences of the decision to share our most God given gift to act as a God ourselves in creating a new life. And whether or not you are using birth control, the powers of creation are being played with and the soul binding ability of sex, is not to be forgotten.

I hope that explains why I believe sex is so sacred.

So, let me get back to my original question. Do you think that giving your son condoms, after you've had a talk about his desire to have sex, is giving permission to have sex?

I do.

I think actions speak much louder than words. By purchasing the condoms, you are saying "here is your ticket, now go".

Let me use two examples to show what this can be likened to. First, lets say your family is very health conscious. You do not believe that people should consume sugar. It is hard on your body to regulate it, it gives you cavities, if consumed to often it can lead to disease but of course sugar is very enjoyable. It is delicious, and lets face it, most people really love candy. Let's say your 5-8 year old comes to you and says, "Mom, I've been thinking about it and I really want a snickers bar everyday for the rest of my life." You have explained to them, that you don't want them to eat sugar. Again you tell them this, you tell them some of the consequences, you explain that sugar is good, but that even though it tastes good, you don't want him to eat it.

Then you go to the store and buy him a box of snickers. And leave it for him in his room. What does this say to the little kid? What do you think they will do? Eat it of course. You bought it, you must have changed your mind and agree about eating a snickers bar daily. There will be more to come to, if you eat these all up, because, mom knows you wanted these and got them for you.

I realize that a candy bar a day, is probably not going to kill you. It is not as serious, but do I make my point clear?

Okay, so now for one more example, a little more dark than a Snickers bar. Let's say your teenager comes home from school very upset. It has been happening a lot. Their friends have turned on your child. You can see there is some bullying or something like that going on. Luckily your child talks to you, you communicate very often. They explain that the are very angry with their friends. They are mad and hurt(the emotional opposite of love). They really want to do something about it. They bought some bullets. They want a gun. You explain to them, that you do not believe in guns. You think that they need to learn to control their feelings and use them properly. You do not believe that they should hurt their friends.

Then next day you go out and buy a gun, and leave them on your child's bed. What does this say to the child? I lets them know that you agree with their thinking. You know what their intentions are, you know why they want the gun, you have explained your views on the subject, but then, you give them a gun? What is the child thinking? They think you've changed your mind, that you want them to use the gun.

I am so bothered by this. I realize, that children may get caught up in sex. You want them protected, but just telling them you don't want them to have sex is not a good enough reason. It may work for an extra 6 months... But there has to be a purpose behind saving yourself for marriage.

The lady on the show was great in getting the kids to think about the actual situation. The best part is she asked them, how long do you plan on being together. The boy answered a long time. Oprah asked, well how long is that? His answer? 6 months to 1 year. The girl was shocked and totally deflated. I am a girl too. I know what her little heart was thinking. We'll be together, we'll share this, it will bring us closer. We will be high school sweethearts. We'll go to the same college, we'll be married at 21..... She began to change her mind by the end of the show.

I could go on, but I won't. It makes me so sad how we, as a society, sexualize children. They see the sexy images of women on magazine covers, it is in music, TV, movies and even cartoons. We are buying little girls sexy outfits, that even adults shouldn't wear. We are grooming them to watch soft porn music videos when they get older, by watching little Disney channel pop music videos. Don't believe me, watch a little child who watches these music videos dance, you'll see a lot different movement in the body. And, to make it worse, we have to tell our children about the dangers of predators, and sex so early that curiosities are being built up for years, long before they are ready, to understand the consequences of their actions.

I would love to hear what you think. That is if you read this whole big long blog.

Six Randoms

Okay I just got tagged, so I am going to answer it, six random things. (I just found an old friends blog today. Love that!, too fun. She named her most recent tag blog "Tagnabit", so clever, I really wanted to copy it, I resisted, but still thought it should be shared.)

So Katie this is for you! (Sorry if you can't get on, it's a private blog).

1. My house is FINALLY clean! So- I have been sick for about a week plus. This means that the Christmas decorations were pulled out of the closet and left all over the living room floor- for days, and days, and days.

I went to the doctor and he gave me a prescription that seems to be helping, although yesterday that was not the case. My dear friend Emily decided to have mercy on me. She came over to my house yesterday and decorated BOTH of my Christmas trees and vacuumed. What a woman, what a friend! Here are the pictures, she did a Silver and Gold Tree that is downstairs and a red tree up stairs. The whole time, I just literally sat there and watched.



I love the little crystal stars, in the silver and gold tree those were my mothers parents.






I also have to explain the pine cone flowers. I love these my Great Grandparents made these. I have no idea how, but they are so charming and I love how sentimental they make me feel. There is just something so wonderful about the kinship I feel for my parents, grandparents and on and on. To know that my mother is like my grandmother, and that I am like my mother- what could be more wonderful than that? I hope that someday I am my mother! It gets me crying every time- in a good way. I love it!



2. I have been bullied into putting up Christmas lights. I didn't want to be the neighborhood Scrooge, and in a 'burb I seem to be feeling some PEER pressure, in a least a little sense. We did nothing for Halloween, I felt a little bad. A few tenacious little trick or treaters actually commented. So, I thought I would do something for Christmas, granted even it is WAY simplified, but so pretty and dignified! I love it- simple candles in the windows.



3. I just ate a bit-o-honey that I found in Justin's drawer when I went to grab the camera. (it was from Halloween- he's a candy hider, not a candy eater).

4. Soapbox- This may be old news, but is anyone else as disgusted as I am about what happened in that Walmart in Manhattan the day after Thanksgiving? If you haven't heard a man was trampled to death when a mob broke through the door just to go shopping.

When Justin read the news to me, I started to cry, it was SO upsetting. Are we as a people so concerned about shopping that we would think it is okay to break into a store to get what we want? And then not notice the fact that a person is under your feet in your mad attempts to get the next techy gizmo for 5 dollars less?

I was so sick and saddened that I for one will promise to never join the throng the day after thanksgiving. I am just sad that this is what Christmas has turned into. I actually am planning to practice what my friend Katie told me in college (the same friend who tagged me) But her plans were and I hope still are to give three gifts for Christmas, like the wise men. One gift you need, one you want and something meaningful.

Hope that wasn't too depressing! I will try not to depress you again
5. I love watching Martha Stewart. Yes, I admit it. The woman is a force. I realize that she doesn't come up with half of it, but at least lately she has been giving more and more credit to others for their ideas lately. I think that prison was a good thing for her. I like it too when she jokes about it.

But anyway, I just love the ideas. I love the recipes. I like learning new techniques for cooking and I love the crafts. I just like looking for inspiration. and there is plenty to go around. I love the art of making a house a home and this is probably a good time to spread that vision. On that same subject, one of my favorite books is "Shelter for the Spirit" by Victoria Moran. If you want to read a good book check it out!

6. I would like to say that I am really thankful for all the time I have with Justin. I am happy that my husband and I get along so well. This long wait for an extension of our family has been hard, but also good, I have finally reached that point of reference.

Justin and I know each other so well. We can finish each others sentences. We make up songs together- and we make up the same thing simultaneously- no kidding! We have secret love signs for each other. And special greetings when he comes home. I would not trade my time with him for anything. He is just such a good guy and so caring.

For example, I woke up this morning to the dishwasher unloaded and the hand washables washed. Who could ask for more? But that is the great part- there is so much more I could mention... But I will just say this. Thank you Justin for being my husband. Thank you for being my confidant, my counselor, my sous-chef, a great listener, a fabulous builder, such a cutie! Thank you for being my BEST friend.

Only being able to spend eternity with you could make me more happy than I am now!